did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
