Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Randomize
