Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
