i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Randomize
