I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
