Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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