Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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