between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
