Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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