After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
