pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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