If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
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