He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
