I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
And then he peed in my hair
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