I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
