And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
