I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
