Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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