it's too hot outside to masturbate.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize