We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
