you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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