Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
