I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
