speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
