she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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