I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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