Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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