my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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