Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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