You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Randomize
