How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
