There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
