this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
