That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
