We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
