After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize