dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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