Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
