my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
