out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
