i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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