I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
