I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Randomize
