Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
