Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
