No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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