I just pynch a tree in the face
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
