i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Farmville is her only friend.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
