very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize