I just cut my nipple shaving
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize
