He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
