Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
