everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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