How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Randomize
