just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i just google imaged poop.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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