he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
