There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
