I'm jealous of your bromance
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
