i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
