I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
