Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
