Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
