He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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