Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize