Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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