sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
