i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
