dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
