i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
