WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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