Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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