I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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