I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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