READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
